Buckle up: Cuckolding is a Rollercoaster (Deep Dive)
He brought him chocolate. From his vacation. And we ate it together. I'm still not sure what I felt in that moment — something beautiful, and underneath that: why does he fuck him so much and not me?
He brought him chocolate.
From his vacation. A specific kind, the kind you don't just pick up at the airport. The kind you think about in advance.
My husband showed it to me. And we ate it together.
I'm still not sure what I felt in that moment. Something warm — that my husband has someone who thinks about him when he's away. Something that I would almost call beautiful, if I'm honest. And underneath that, quiet and persistent: they have something. This is a relationship.
And then, somewhere between the second and third piece: why does he fuck with him so much and not with me anymore?
Welcome to the rollercoaster. Nobody gets a free pass.
One body - two feelings
Jealousy and compersion are usually presented as opposites. You either feel one or the other. You're either evolved enough to feel compersion — generous, secure, enlightened — or you're still stuck in jealousy, which is primitive, insecure, something to overcome.
This is nonsense.
Both feelings are real. Both are valid. And in cuckolding, they don't take turns — they overlap, they contradict each other, they show up simultaneously in ways that make no logical sense. You can feel compersion so strongly it almost hurts, and jealousy so sharply it almost feels like desire.
Because sometimes it is desire. The sting and the heat are closer than you think.
What jealousy actually is
Let's be specific, because "jealousy" is too broad a word for what actually happens.
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