So You're Sleeping With a Married Man - A Letter to the Other Guy

You didn't find this by accident. Someone sent it to you, because they wanted to explain something and ran out of words in a chat window.

Maybe it was a couple who messaged you and then got nervous about the message they sent. Or maybe it's the man you've been seeing for a while — the one who mentioned somewhere in month two that he's married, and that his husband knows, and who has now told you something else: that his husband doesn't just know. That he likes it. And now there's talk of you meeting him, or him being in the next room, or him being in the room, and you're sitting there thinking: what exactly is happening here?

Either way, this is the part they wanted you to read.

Before we start, let me introduce myself. I'm A., I built this website, and I'm a cuck. Which means I get off on my husband sleeping with other men.

All clear? All fine? I'm guessing not. So let me take you a little further into the psychology of gay cuckolding, so you know what you're actually invited in.

First of all: congratulations

You must be a hot stud. And I really mean that.

Being chosen to enter a couple is a compliment, because it means they trust you. It means they think you're open enough to maybe explore this with them. People don't ask this of just anyone — they ask it of the guy they can picture in their bedroom and in their conversation afterwards.

Now let's get into the parts that aren't as obvious. Because there are a few things to navigate.

Welcome to the Not-Hollywood-Place

Like it or not, we were all raised on monogamy. Look at any Hollywood movie — they never show the husband waiting at the door, delighted that his partner is having sex with someone else.

So: welcome to the Not-Hollywood-Place. Also known as real life.

With that cultural heritage, entering someone's relationship sexually is usually off the table, or it comes bundled with shame, fear and remorse. Like you're taking something away. Like you're wrecking something sacred. Even for us gay men being more used to open relationship models, still there is a weight on it.

Here's my first offer of a different thought: for a couple who are clear about what they want, a third man doesn't (only) destroy something. He adds something. Something very specific, and very arousing. Especially for the cuck.

The cuck psychology

Let's talk about the driver behind all this.

Mostly it's the cuck who pushes things further. And although he looks like the victim — he's the one being cheated on, denied, excluded — he's probably the one whose brain is firing hardest in the whole arrangement.

I can tell you that there is nothing more arousing in my body than knowing my husband is doing it right now. It's jealousy and arousal and fear and lust, all in the same glass. It's a cocktail. It's addictive.

There are psychological theories that explain how and why this works, and I'll spare you those. But not this part: you're really doing them a favour. And I mean that. If they asked you, they've thought about it.

They're using you

I just told you bluntly that you're doing them a favour, and that has two implications.

First: they've talked about it and they're clear.

Second: they're using you. And I'll be honest — that's the truth. You've become the catalyst for something between them.

Which sounds worse than it is. Think about it: being able to give someone a night they won't forget is something most people would happily sign up for. The trick is not to forget your own pleasure in it. Your desire. What you get out of this.

So use them back

If something about this clicked in you, here's the thought I most want you to take away.

They might be using you. Good. You should also be using them.

Define your expectations. Your rules. Your boundaries. Make things clear. Because here's the thing: most likely the cuck will love you taking it into your own hands. Many cucks have a submissive streak and enjoy being told what to do. So whether you let him watch, make him wait outside, throw him out of the house, or tell him to prepare dinner in the kitchen meanwhile (love that) — he'll probably enjoy it, precisely because it came from you.

This is the part that surprises most men in your position. Your autonomy isn't a problem for this dynamic. It's the fuel.

Of course this takes negotiation, and talk, and a lot of words. But that's an advantage — you can test the waters long before you're standing in anyone's bedroom.

And if you want somewhere to start: ask them what they've already agreed between themselves, and then tell them what you'd want. In that order. You'll learn more in ten minutes than from any amount of guessing, and you'll have said your part before the room has a chance to decide it for you.

One more thing: if you look this things up on the internet, you'll find the word "Bull" for the role they're asking you in. If you like this word: perfect. If not, just be the guest. That's also perfect.

And just know that being "the bull" here has nothing to do with being the top. What makes you the one is not the position you take. It's what happens in his husband's head while you're the one doing it. The bottom who is simply hotter, freer, more shameless is every bit as devastating as the top who takes over the room. Don't let the word "bull" narrow you down.

Your benefits

So — have you ever been worshipped?

If yes: did you like it? Could you really enjoy it, without deflecting?

And if not: how does the thought make you feel, right now, reading it?

The fascinating thing about sex is that it puts you in front of your own material. It shows you where you're stuck and where the growth is. Being worshipped. Being the one who really does it. Being the guy who's just plainly better at it. Why not try that once, and see what it does to you?

Maybe a part of you likes it more than you expected.

A soft warning: the twenty minutes afterwards

The sex is often the easy part. What catches people out is what comes after.

Bodies do something strange when a charge that big drains out of them. The husband might go quiet. The cuck who was flying an hour ago might get low, or teary, or suddenly very polite. It has a name — we call it the drop — and it's chemistry finishing its business, not regret, and not about you.

You don't have to fix it. You're not anyone's therapist. But don't be the guy putting his shoes on while it's happening. Stay ten minutes. Drink the glass of water. Ask if they're good. Then go. If you want.

That, more than anything you do with your dick or ass, is what gets a man invited back.

And now, actual safety

You're an adult. You can stop at any point, and so can they. All three of you have that, always. This is supposed to be fun, not an obligation.

But there's one thing you can see that they sometimes can't, and I'd rather tell you than not.

You're the only man in the room without relationship loyalty in play. So if you ever get the feeling that one of them is going along with this to keep the other one happy — that his yes sounds like a favour rather than a want — trust that. Say something. Slow it down. Ask him directly, on his own if you can.

You're not being difficult. You're being the one person present who can afford to ask.

Consent doesn't stop mattering just because everyone has found it hot up to now.

One last thing, and it's the best one

Remember the Not-Hollywood-Place from the beginning? Here's the fun part about living there.

Think about every time you've been with a man who wasn't free. The phone face down. The vague answers. Leaving early. That low hum of guilt underneath the whole thing, so constant you stopped noticing it was there.

None of that happens here.

You get the entire charge of the forbidden — a married man, his husband somewhere in the flat, the sheer wrongness of it — and not one gram of the sneaking. Nobody is being deceived. Nobody is going to find out, because everybody already knows. You can take your time. You can be loud. You can stay for breakfast.

That is a rare combination. And once you've had it, ordinary discretion starts to feel like a waste of a perfectly good evening.

One more thing, man: you will become a story. That night gets retold between them for months — in bed, mostly, and in some detail. Somewhere out there right now, two men are still talking about a guy who has no idea.

You could be him.

Go and have the conversation. And more.

Any question? Send it over. But not to me. To them.

P.S. — to whoever sent this: I hope it saved you some typing. The rest of it, I'm afraid, you have to do yourselves.