To boldly go - beyond the limits (Deep Dive)

There are words that have a magic of their own. "Transgressive," for example. I first heard it in Italian, which is not my mother tongue, and I immediately loved it. Crossing borders. Expanding limits. And if you're a reader of this blog, you have already crossed some limits.

Like me.

When I came out to my parents.
When I sucked my first dick.
When I fucked another man besides my husband for the first time.
When I first fucked bareback with a stranger after starting PrEP.
When I noticed a cuck fantasy for the first time.
When I told my husband.
When I looked at his empty towel on the gay nude beach, thinking: he's really doing it.
When I started this blog.

Every time, I knew I crossed a line. Every time, it took courage. And every time, I felt like I was expanding.

Cuckolding is transgression per se. In so many ways. It breaks social norms, but it also breaks something inside the relationship itself. You know you are changing its foundations when you enter this.

And to be clear: almost every time, I felt fear, before and while doing it. And pride. And arousal. Life is about expanding limits, and I think kinky people know what I mean.

But how do you expand boundaries together? By talking about it, of course. And through actions. Last week we discussed rules. This week, we go beyond them.

Look at the towel

Look at that list again. Every item on it has something in common: the line didn't disappear when it was crossed. It was needed.

The French philosopher Georges Bataille built a whole body of work on one idea: transgression doesn't destroy a prohibition. It completes it. The forbidden and its violation are one mechanism. Remove the rule and the rush disappears with it.