Cuck pride (Deep Dive)
Most husbands in these arrangements don't believe they're the hot one. They think their partner is being generous, that the whole thing runs on his imagination. They are misreading the evidence — and this one is mostly for them.
This is probably not the right state of mind to write a Deep Dive in.
I got cucked on the nude beach today. A friend was lying next to me. My husband had walked off with a guy to "exchange a phone number," and stayed away considerably longer than exchanging a phone number takes. At some point I turned onto my stomach. You can work out why.
So: showered at home, dealt with, and now sitting down to write about it. Which is honest, at least.
But that's not what I want to talk about. Because the feeling I actually walked home with wasn't the arousal. It came afterwards, when he came back down the beach, and it was something else entirely.
I was proud of him.
Not the usual suspects
We have a vocabulary in this scene and it is a small one.
There's degradation. There's humiliation — the friend next to me on that towel, doing the arithmetic, looking at me like his husband is off fucking someone and he's just lying here. There's compersion, the joy at his good time, which is the respectable one, the one you can say at parties. All three get written about constantly, including by me.
And then there's the one rarely discussed, which was the loudest feeling of my entire afternoon:
Pride. That my husband is hot enough that men hit on him. That they go through with it knowing his husband is twenty meters away. That he is, demonstrably, wanted.
Everything else in this architecture works by subtraction. Denial takes something away. Humiliation lowers you. Degradation moves you down a rank. We have built an entire practice out of getting smaller and we've gotten very good at it.
Pride does the opposite. Pride straightens the spine. It's the only feeling here that isn't borrowed from shame — and it might be the one actually keeping the whole thing running.
Yes, pride is supposed to be a vice
I know. Seven deadly sins, top of the list. We're trained to hear pride as arrogance, as the thing that comes before the fall.
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